, , ,

Now I love animals. I will happily rescue spiders and pick up worms that have wandered onto the pavement and put them back in the grass. However, there are some creatures that simply have the power of giving the heebie jeebies and it’s really through no fault of their own. In fact, most of the creatures on this list are harmless to humans. However, their appearance or their behaviour is pure nightmare fuel.

1. The elbow squid

What the fuck is this eldritch abomination? No, it’s not a creation from the dark side of science fiction, it’s a big fin (or ‘elbow’) squid, and while it’s just trolling along minding its own business, it looks like it squirmed right out of a Ridley Scott film. I love that in this video the camera does a double take.

2. Bleeding tooth fungus

Hydnellum_peckii.darvinOkay, so this one isn’t a creature, it’s a fungus. It totally deserves its spot on this list though because LOOK AT IT. It secretes weird red fluid that makes it look like it’s bleeding. I’m surprised it hasn’t made an appearance in a 1950s B-movie.

3. Japanese spider crab

I actually find these kind of beautiful, but I still wouldn’t want to share living space with one. It looks like a giant face-hugger.

4. Giant huntsman spider

Ooooh god. As I said, I am happy to catch spiders when I find them in the house, but a line has to be drawn somewhere, people! If you need a bucket rather than a tumbler to catch it, it’s too fucking big. And infestations of hundreds of baby spiders that are all going to turn into monsters? Fuck. That. You’d just have to move house, wouldn’t you?

5. Giant centipede

Yngghhhaaahh. Regular centipedes are gross enough. This looks like the thing from The Tingler. IT FEEDS ON YOUR FEAR!

6. Goliath tigerfish

Otherwise known as the Nope!fish. What the hell have we been doing worrying about piranhas all this time when these monsters are out there?

7. Shrike

It’s just a sweet, innocent looking bird until IT ISN’T, IT’S VLAD THE IMPALER! If birds made movies about psychopathic killers, the shrike would be the main feature. In fact, this bird provided the nickname for Garrett Hobbs’s character in Hannibal.

8. Naked mole rat

It’s a perfectly inoffensive little guy, but the cold honest truth is that it looks like a giant, sentient, buck-toothed testicle.  I can totally see a 70’s exploitation movie being made on this premise ‘SAC ATTACK!’ I think I may have just invented a new sub-sub-genre: ballsploitation.

9. Lamprey

It’s the sarlacc. IT’S THE FUCKING SARLACC.

10. Emerald jewel wasp

These a one of the few terrifying species of insect that can actually turn others into zombies. It’s gross and it’s horrific probably the most squick-worthy creature on this list. Zombies. Real-life zombies. ZOMBIES.